What Program for Love in the 21st Century? Thinking With and Beyond Luhmann

ABSTRACT From a sociological perspective, the paper examines how normative frameworks for intimate relationships have changed since the publication of Luhmann's Love as Passion (1982). Building on Luhmann's notion of a program for love, we discuss his claim that late 20th century love semantics were organized around a program of understanding . We argue that understanding , requiring partners to incorporate the other's worldview and self‐image into the observation of their behaviour to infer ‘love’, has lately evolved into a program of acceptance . The latter provides solutions to problems stemming from societal evolution: the inclusion of individuals in a functionally differentiated society, the weakening of traditional frameworks stabilizing intimate expectations and the rising relevance of therapeutic semantics for intimate relationships. Drawing on sociological scholarship, advice literature and empirical data, we show that contemporary love semantics now centres on the question ‘what should I accept?’ and on the definition of the limits of acceptance.