Who am I now? Medication-related altered-self experience in bipolar disorder

Abstract An experience commonly reported by individuals with bipolar disorder (BD) is feeling that they are “no longer themselves” or that their “personalities changed” subsequent to taking medication to manage the illness. This phenomenon can be referred to as medication-related altered self-experience. However, as medication-related altered self-experience specifically in individuals with BD has not received extensive research attention, many of these reports are anecdotal or recounted in informal venues such as social media or personal communication. Information about altered-self experience often comes from first-hand sources, namely the individuals who have themselves experienced it, or is relayed by those who have heard or been told about it (e.g., family members, friends, therapists, or attending psychiatrists). Among the consequences of the dearth of systematic studies on this phenomenon are the risk of its gravity not being fully appreciated, lack of clarity about its nature, and an insufficient grasp of its clinical and existential implications. In order to understand it in greater detail, this paper explores the characteristics of medication-related altered self-experience in BD based on how it has been described by those who have experienced it. Two common themes have been identified from this analysis: “change in personality” and reduced creativity.