Personality Influences in Relationships: How Self-Esteem, Neuroticism, and Agreeableness Affect Hurt Feelings

What is the effect of one’s personality on one’s close relationships? In this chapter, we review the literature on this topic, focusing especially on the personality dimensions of self-esteem and the Big 5 traits of neuroticism and agreeableness. We review empirical studies of each of these three traits as predictors of (a) interpersonal processes and (b) relationship outcomes, including relationship satisfaction and dissolution. We also summarize any existing theoretical perspectives on these associations, including the most complete theoretical account offered for the influence of any of these traits on relationships—namely, the Self-Esteem-Infuses-Relationships-through-Trust (SIRT) model. We expect that two core assumptions of the SIRT model would be fundamental to theoretical accounts concerning any personality dimension’s influence on relationships. Specifically, (a) any trait?s influence must exert its influence through a causal chain of mediators, and (b) one of the essential mediators is behaviors between partners. Finally, we also evaluate how complete theoretical accounts concerning neuroticism and agreeableness that are likely to be offered in the future are likely to differ from or be similar to the account for self-esteem offered by the SIRT.