The Inconvenience of Heterosex: Young Men’s Experiences of Sexual Consent and Violations

Drawing on interviews with 24 heterosexual young men in Sweden, this paper explores their experiences of sexual encounters, consent, and violations of sexual integrity. The interviewees idealized consent and sex based on reciprocity, attempting to take active responsibility for securing consent before engaging in sexual activities. This was often driven by a desire to be respectful, but at times, these safety measures appeared to be attempts to portray themselves as progressive or to protect themselves from potential rape accusations. Analysing the participants’ experiences of consent processes and sexual violations through Berlant’s theory of friction as an inevitable part of all social relations, we showcase how sex and intimacy are far from straightforward. Despite genuine efforts to obtain consent and maintain mutual respect in sexual encounters, some of the young men had nevertheless violated their partners’ sexual integrity, while others had experienced having sex against their own will but often without seeing this as sexual violations. Despite its promise of regulating the inconvenience of sexual intimacy, we demonstrate how consensual sex may be awkward and fraught with difficulties in understanding one another, especially in moments of excitement and pleasure, as encountering the other challenges the fantasy of sovereign masculinity.