Transforming challenges into growth: a dialogical autoethnography of a japanese woman leader in higher education during COVID-19

We explored how dialogical autoethnography can illuminate the transformative potential of leadership struggles during COVID-19. Focusing on experiences of the first author-a Japanese woman leader serving as a higher-education institution dean from 2020-2023-we examined how initially negative challenges gradually evolved into growth opportunities. COVID-19 forced institutions to undergo rapid digital transformation in a context where Japan lagged behind other countries, requiring training in new technologies, coping with canceled in-person orientation programs, and addressing rising student isolation and mental health concerns. Students faced suspended study-abroad opportunities and prolonged uncertainty until the emergence of vaccine. The first author shared her experiences through dialogues with the second author, who acted as a dialogical collaborator. We combined emic (insider) and etic (outsider) perspectives through iterative cycles of conversation, transcription, and reflective memo writing, enabling both researchers to trace how overwhelming emotions-e.g., anxiety, frustration, and shame-were gradually reinterpreted as sources of resilience, pride, and professional growth. Dialogical autoethnography uncovers hidden learning in crisis leadership and shows how collaborative reflection helped the first author understand her transformation of vulnerability into strength. We contribute to leadership and higher-education research by offering insights into women's crisis leadership and demonstrating dialogical autoethnography's methodological value.