Affectionate Communication in Romantic Relationships: Are Relative Levels or Absolute Levels More Consequential?

If affectionate communication is beneficial for romantic relationships, as multiple investigations have shown, is it better for partners to have a higher average level of affectionate communication, or is it preferable if their levels match (even if they are both low)? The current study examined 141 romantic dyads (N = 282) composed of heterosexual adults living in the United States and they were asked to report their trait affectionate communication (i.e. expressed and received) and relationship quality (i.e. relational quality, satisfaction, commitment, intimacy, trust, passion, and love). Testing predictions drawn from affection exchange theory (AET), the study found that men’s and women’s trait expressed and received affection were positively correlated in romantic dyads, and that received affection correlations were stronger in genuine couples than in randomly paired ones (but not for expressed affection). Examining actor-partner effects expressed and received affection produced significant actor effects for men and women with all outcomes (with a small number of exceptions). Significant partner effects occurred for about half of the tests. The main finding, and focus of the study, showed that having higher average dyadic affection scores (as supported by AET) is significantly more impactful for relational quality (love and commitment aside) than having similar levels of trait affectionate communication (as supported by the theoretical principle of assortative mating). In other words, the absolute level of affectionate communication in a relationship has greater significance on relational quality than the relative levels between partners.