Normalization, parent–child relationships and identity: becoming parents with tongxinglian (same-sex loving) sons/daughters in PFLAG China

In the Chinese socio-cultural context, parents are regarded as a key obstacle to people living a “tongxinglian” (same-sex loving) life, simultaneously including same-sex sexuality and the refusal of (male-female) marriage. However, the development of PFLAG China (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays of China), characterized by supportive parents, is quite striking. This article analyzes parents’ acceptance with an emphasis on the successful cultural toolkit based on interviews and observations conducted in the “PFLAG China” community. This article identifies three themes in parents’ acceptance of their son’s/daughter’s tongxinglian life. The first step is to normalize same-sex sexuality; parents need to overcome their concerns about whether it is a mental disorder or moral decline. The second is the focus on supporting children’s happiness, which justifies parental acceptance. The final aspect is parental identity work. Parents need to overcome the societal stigma that improper parenting contributes to their child’s same-sex attraction, as well as navigate the meaning of life in the context of their son’s/daughter’s tongxinglian life, rejection of (male-female) marriage, and the potential loss of grandparenthood.