Infertility and Memorable Message Mishaps, or What Not to Say to a Person Facing Fertility Issues

Infertility and its treatment create significant support needs, which often go unmet. In addition to support deficits, infertile individuals describe having difficult, upsetting discussions with others about fertility issues. Although unsupportive responses to infertility impair coping, little is known about the content of these negative support interactions. Guided by the theory of memorable messages, which considers harmful or insensitive messages as sites for disruption and intervention, this study examined the negative memorable messages embedded in infertility narratives. A reflexive thematic analysis of 160 narratives uncovered three supra-themes—prying, advice-giving, and rationalizing—which were comprised of eight themes. These themes represented different types of negative memorable messages experienced by individuals with infertility, including: (a) asking about one’s family plans; (b) questioning the cause of the fertility issues; (c) giving tips for conceiving; (d) recommending relaxation; (e) suggesting adoption; (f) criticizing; (g) expressing fatalistic beliefs; and (h) engaging in explanatory optimism. This study and its findings offer support for the theory of memorable messages, demonstrate that narratives can be a rich resource for memorable messages research, and arm support providers with the knowledge of message strategies to avoid.