Porn and Sex Education: Realism, Patriarchy, and the Orgasm Gap

The concept of realism plays a significant role in shaping discourse on pornography and sex education. Researchers and educators often critique pornography for presenting unrealistic depictions of sexual activities and suggest that young people who consume pornography are failing to learn what “real” sex is. This position is problematic, in that it rarely defines what “real sex” is and the term “unrealistic” is often shorthand for sexual activity seen in pornography that sits apart from normative forms of sex. We therefore reject the simple idea that pornography depicts unrealistic sex—except in the case of one recurring and popular depiction: that of women appearing to reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex alone. Recent research shows that few women experience orgasm from this kind of sex, yet mainstream commercial pornography commonly suggests that they do. The well-established “orgasm gap,” whereby women reach orgasm much less frequently than men in heterosexual encounters, is cause for some investigation into any perpetuation of the myth that women can orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex alone—particularly when women reach orgasm as frequently as men in masturbation. The problem is not realism, nor women’s bodies, but the privileging of phallocentric forms of sex. We argue that sex educators have a responsibility to develop a pleasure-centered curriculum that examines the gendered orgasm gap and critiques the “realism” narrative. This is necessary not just for the healthy sexual development of all genders but as a means through which masculine dominance can be challenged. The orgasm gap is a social justice issue, and reducing it, through education, is a contribution to reducing patriarchy’s harms.