Question #9

I had already said no to his proposal once before, but this time we were going to Switzerland for the summer to teach at a private school. In order to room together, we had to be married, or at least engaged, so I accepted his proposal and put the ring on. We were engaged. This was just before the summer between my first and second year at the Conservatory. His drinking bothered me—a lot—but I ignored the signs. As my first year of Conservatory came to an end, Anne Bogart, who had hand-picked me to attend Trinity Repertory Conservatory in her inaugural year while I was an undergrad at University of California San Diego, resigned as Artistic Director of Trinity Repertory Theatre and as the Director of the Conservatory. Lots of things were up in the air. Spending the summer in Europe was amazing, except when I was fighting with a drunk fiancé. In September, we came home to a new apartment and a new Conservatory with Brian and Stephen at the helm and only five other classmates—there had been twenty-six students the year before. Everything in my life felt new and unpredictable, and his drinking was getting worse, as alcoholism never fails to do. The New England fiery fall colors and leaves dropping off the trees mimicked the change I felt going on inside. Being immersed in acting, directing, dance, and vocal classes was my safe haven. All the emotions and feelings for which I didn’t have words could be expressed in my scenework and projects. Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays, was horrible. We’d gone to what I considered my East Coast family’s house, and he was embarrassingly drunk. I drove home just waiting for him to throw up in the car. He didn’t. We got home and fought about his drinking. I started to leave, but he begged me to stay. I did. The next morning, I realized that on Monday I had to perform—off book—eight pages of dialogue which included a killer page-and-a-half monologue from Henrik Ibsen’s A Doll’s House . I was playing Nora (yes, the scene I mentioned in Chapter 6 ), and I had rehearsal on Sunday with my scene partner. I hadn’t done any script work or memorized a single word. I don’t remember scrambling to learn the lines, probably because my head was still scrambled from Thanksgiving. I just showed up on Sunday ready to work and to see what happened. We had a good rehearsal and the lines came easily and effortlessly.