On Frenemies

Most philosophical accounts of friendship take it as their starting point that friendship consists primarily of a cooperative interweaving of lives; friends directly support each other in their aims and goals to bring about mutual flourishing. Adopting such an approach makes it quite difficult to appreciate our frenemies—those friends of ours with whom we compete, compare, struggle, and strive. This chapter looks to Nietzsche's middle-period writings on friendship as well as Alexander Nehamas's more recent work to argue that relationships between frenemies can play an important role in contributing to the differentiation of each individual in the relationship. We come to know ourselves better and make ourselves more distinctive individuals by way of our attempts to outdo our frenemies. As it turns out, it is this very aspect of our relationships with our frenemies that may serve the same end as more traditional, cooperative friendships.