Termination

It seems fitting to approach the subject of termination by coming full circle, ending with the last verse of the song “Breaking the Silence”, quoted at the start of Chapter 1 . When psychotherapy comes to a successful end, the painful process undertaken by someone with a troubled heart leaves the person feeling renewed. At the same time, ending any significant relationship, including that with a therapist, evokes mixed feelings. The harsh truth is, we will lose everyone we ever loved, in one way or another, at one time or another. Living and loving on life’s terms requires us to face this difficult truth and all the attendant feelings that accompany it. Some find it easier to be lonely than to take the risk of loving and losing. Yet, those are the only two choices we have on this planet. We can be open to love, attach deeply, and then feel our hearts break when loss occurs. Or we can harden our hearts and refuse to love. While the latter choice serves to avoid the searing pain of heartbreak, it renders one empty and alone. When we let our hearts break, and travel through the stages of grief, what remains are the happy memories and a positive identification with the deceased. When grief is avoided, an inner deadness can result. Isolation, cynicism, and negative memories often haunt the one who refuses to mourn.